Crush 1#

After my one "hand clapping incident" ( obviously that is not the right term), I had bumped into  several other terrible tragedy that had stunned part of the old me and making up a new me which I hate. I love the old me. The innocence, the beautiful and cunning image that is so pure , unlike the monstrosity that surrounds me right now. I dunno whether this ordeal had started b'coz I was depressed being rejected by him or just my revenge scheme for him, for taking me lightly ( clearly, it had backfired). Now , I had wish that I had told him how I felt before.. when I had the chance. But how could I? As I recalled, the moment I was about to tell him about my feeling, I had found out that he had feelings for another. Hurm, that was what holding me back. If only I had the confidence and courage to get on with it, then, maybe I won't still be having feelings for him anymore.  Is it too late to try now???? I'll tell you about this crush in my next post yeah.  The name? na ah... it's  too easy. He had the most common name there is.

Dear Diary

How can someone be so beautiful? The first time I set eyes on him, my heart was pounding. I stuttered and my eyes had tears in them.  The feeling was so amazing. Who could have imagine someone like that talking to me. If it wasn't given this circumstances of where I am at, he would had never look at me. Never in mega trillion years. But just now, he spoke to me. He actually spoke to deary old me. Although not for the very same reason that compliment my feeling towards him, still , it was magical. I had hopes that we will meet again some day. At least, until the next pick up. Will I be here when he came? Let's just wait and see. Insya-Allah.

~Ver Que Cuando Te Veo~

Trifles

Trifles is like most drama and movies we seen on tv which showcases the insignificant and extreme undermining of women in the later life. Later life here is in the sense of the life after marriage. This is my opinion on this one act play entitled Triffles by Susan Glaspel. I find that its sense of feminism still intact somehow through the story line. Readers could clearly see the symbolism masquerade as being an object of unworthy of an explicit description. For example, the way the two women give away the hint  of the murder that they could see when they were going through the Wright’s house. It sort of tells us that the women are solving the case yet the man didn’t realize it and that the women are underappreciated. The men were as oblivious as can be. This shows a very similar situation with the oppression of woman in the late 19 th and early 20^th. The only difference is that, now, it has gotten to a more abstract and indirect approach.

                In addition to that, this play have a few outstanding yet simple irony potrayed through out.  Firstly, in the title itself, “Triffles” which means the small insignificant thing, those underestimated stuff that could actually be big. For example the clues that the woman have derived on by looking at the crime scene. Another irony is in the name of Mr and Mrs Wright. In view of Mrs Wright, it somehow brought about the meaning of woman right for the initial of ‘W’ and the following ‘right’.  As for Mr Wright, although his name spelled right, he was not always in the right. The third would be the canary which has been the biggest clues in solving the mystery of who actually committed the murder. Why? Well we know perfectly well who the murder is just by looking at how the dead bird is being wrapped up in the box. Although the actual murder still remain a mystery at the end of the play, we could actually tell that it was Mrs Wright . 

The Irony of Fate

            O Henry is an out of the box kind of writer. His stories was never dull, in fact they are never what you expected it to be. Readers tend to be amazed on how fresh his idea was and of how well he developed his story in a way that sometimes it’s scented through to the reader’s heart. One of the stories which manage to deliver the same aura is “The Last Leaf ” , a truly magnificent story of fate and irony.

            In the beginning of the short story, the author talks about how the streets have branched into places. He is figuratively referring to the place called Greenwich Village where arts are not look upon , in fact are somehow disregard. Yet, artists kept on coming there in search of a place for them to widen their horizon, to sell their work of art. The place where there are adequate supplies of arts stuff and houses for rent with a reasonable price to pay.

            This story was a set up in the early 20^th century, in a little district west of Washington Square. Living there are two young woman artists named Sue and Johnsy. They had made each other acquaintances in May of the same year and had decided to share a studio apartment. As the place was not well enough to hold such visit from the gigantic spread of Pneumonia in November, Johnsy got affected. She began to ill and had reached a near death from Pneumonia. She had lies in bed counting for the leaves from the ivy vine tree outside her window to wither to the ground. She was sure that her life will be over once the last leaf fall onto the ground.

            Like every good short story, there should be a hero, a savior who would come to turn things right. In this case Mr Berhman, Sue’s and Johnsy’s neighbor who lived below their apartment was the one, a typical hero of O Henry’s school of thought. The author intended it to be as imperceptible as possible. Sue had told him about Johnsy giving up on living and that she had leaved his life in the hand of the vine tree. One night, Johnsy was very sure the last leaf would fall.  Magically, after so many turbulent nights, the leaf was still intact. Little did they know that Mr Behrman have work his magic and created his first and final masterpiece.

            Some of the concealed  intention of the author  is to address the community where to some extent, neighbors are considered as trivial in the society but this community that O Henry is portraying shows a lot of care for one another. The author also revealed the fundamental aspects of death. Death waits for no one. Once your time came, you will die whether you like it or not. It has been fated and that is out of our breach. We cannot foresee nor could we delay our time. In a way, the author also reveal to us that being alive but with no will to live is just the same as being dead. They would be referred to as the living dead. For instance, through this story, Johnsy who seems to have a higher chance of dying at first had recovered while suddenly, Mr Behrman who had shown no sign of illness, suddenly died after only been exposed to pneumonia for three days.

            This story lingers on the irony of fate, on the fact that we need something to hold onto like a hope. When there is a hope, there is a will but in this case the hope here is in the form of the last leaf. Through that last leaf’s persistence that Johnsy finally had her will to live.  The story teaches us to never let fate get the upper hand, for instance Johnsy should have never let the leaf decide whether she should live or die. Fate is a normal blaming tool for people who discourage themselves of trying harder to change and to make the right choices in their life. For example, if you are born poor, would you consider yourself to be poor for the rest of your life or would you change it somehow. Sometimes, we see that it is easier for us to accept things that happen to us by blaming it on fate. It actually is not. It is our bad choices that had put us in our current state. Johnsy is a clear example of such cases. 

The Irony of Fate

            O Henry is an out of the box kind of writer. His stories was never dull, in fact they are never what you expected it to be. Readers tend to be amazed on how fresh his idea was and of how well he developed his story in a way that sometimes it’s scented through to the reader’s heart. One of the stories which manage to deliver the same aura is “The Last Leaf ” , a truly magnificent story of fate and irony.

            In the beginning of the short story, the author talks about how the streets have branched into places. He is figuratively referring to the place called Greenwich Village where arts are not look upon , in fact are somehow disregard. Yet, artists kept on coming there in search of a place for them to widen their horizon, to sell their work of art. The place where there are adequate supplies of arts stuff and houses for rent with a reasonable price to pay.

            This story was a set up in the early 20^th century, in a little district west of Washington Square. Living there are two young woman artists named Sue and Johnsy. They had made each other acquaintances in May of the same year and had decided to share a studio apartment. As the place was not well enough to hold such visit from the gigantic spread of Pneumonia in November, Johnsy got affected. She began to ill and had reached a near death from Pneumonia. She had lies in bed counting for the leaves from the ivy vine tree outside her window to wither to the ground. She was sure that her life will be over once the last leaf fall onto the ground.

            Like every good short story, there should be a hero, a savior who would come to turn things right. In this case Mr Berhman, Sue’s and Johnsy’s neighbor who lived below their apartment was the one, a typical hero of O Henry’s school of thought. The author intended it to be as imperceptible as possible. Sue had told him about Johnsy giving up on living and that she had leaved his life in the hand of the vine tree. One night, Johnsy was very sure the last leaf would fall.  Magically, after so many turbulent nights, the leaf was still intact. Little did they know that Mr Behrman have work his magic and created his first and final masterpiece.

            Some of the concealed  intention of the author  is to address the community where to some extent, neighbors are considered as trivial in the society but this community that O Henry is portraying shows a lot of care for one another. The author also revealed the fundamental aspects of death. Death waits for no one. Once your time came, you will die whether you like it or not. It has been fated and that is out of our breach. We cannot foresee nor could we delay our time. In a way, the author also reveal to us that being alive but with no will to live is just the same as being dead. They would be referred to as the living dead. For instance, through this story, Johnsy who seems to have a higher chance of dying at first had recovered while suddenly, Mr Behrman who had shown no sign of illness, suddenly died after only been exposed to pneumonia for three days.

            This story lingers on the irony of fate, on the fact that we need something to hold onto like a hope. When there is a hope, there is a will but in this case the hope here is in the form of the last leaf. Through that last leaf’s persistence that Johnsy finally had her will to live.  The story teaches us to never let fate get the upper hand, for instance Johnsy should have never let the leaf decide whether she should live or die. Fate is a normal blaming tool for people who discourage themselves of trying harder to change and to make the right choices in their life. For example, if you are born poor, would you consider yourself to be poor for the rest of your life or would you change it somehow. Sometimes, we see that it is easier for us to accept things that happen to us by blaming it on fate. It actually is not. It is our bad choices that had put us in our current state. Johnsy is a clear example of such cases. 

1# GL'S Diary of the day ( 3/10/12)

They are too oblivious. Wish I had known their thoughts.... then, maybe I'll know just how to handle them. Maybe  because lack of practice so I often stumble across this gap that seems to be pulling me down. Well , never mind them.. If it were meant to be then It will someday.... It's just a matter of time...i guess

Ps: I hope someday u'll grow up n finally understand.

I hate it when friends scold u for simple little things..(especially when u r not in the wrong) It just takes all the love and affection away. I wonder, did they ever stop and think for a while at the moment of their rage that they were hurting us?? if not physically, then emotionally ..yes!! deeply hurt. I know u too well to differentiate between smirks and sarcasm, anger and frustration, ego and dumb opposition.  I might b wrong but who "dart" at their "jigree dos" for only the reason of not bringing a book that a friend once ask u to keep for he is too lazy to carry back home... Who would have known that you wanted the book on that particular day if they were not told. For keeping the bond, I hold my part and keep my silence, while each and every second i tried very hard to forget.   Sometime, I manage to forget "why" but later You remind me why... why do i develop the feel of distancing you.... Who could understand this feeling? Hence, as for the reason of having no one to answer that last question that I finally decided to wrote it down. Even if it seems pathetic and in your world they would say too emotional, I find it rather relieving!! ( it's

One Love

I heard you chanting lyrics and script...
I thought it was
       all for me
but little did I know
        you have now your own lives
        to live,
It's time for me to bid "goodbye"
It may takes time
       a lot or a few
what's difference does it makes
I'll try oh I will
till the day I succeed
But if I ever failed
will you be there for me
To give me your hand
to stop me from falling
to raise me up once more
and rewrite my lost
so I may once again
be happy in your presence
and no more be empty
been living with your absence
with that one and only love
with no one to share
and no one to love.......

MFH~

YADEIN

Yadein... We live with memories. Memories are the things that made us who we are today. Sometimes, we went to far out of their reach and sometimes memories are haunting us every move.
Memories are the good and bad choices we have made in our life. It's makes up a huge deal of our life. Sometimes, the unforgettable memories came at the unexpected minute ...you really2 had wish it to fade and vanish as you start over your day...
but! no... it is here to stay.... Some memories came with a set of wound that would scar you for life.

ps: I could never ever forget You despite how far you've gone to. If only there's some way to know what you might be feeling right now..... but then again, I'm too scared to notice. So, farewell.......

Vengeance... pure satisfaction or pure denial?

I am not very good at vengeance. To say that i am

They said we are complicated. Well...
Let see...
They said they love us but they give us thousands of reasons to hate them.
They sulk, we  say sorry n we coax but why is it when we sulk, they forget everything....
They called, we didn't pick up said they understand today but why did they hanged up tomorrow.

ALONE In Literal Meaning

I've been alone within this past few days... but it took me only today, 

NOW..to realize something... 

I feel the loneliness ....creeping into my soul. 

Why?

 The Fact is that ,

 " One will Only feel the absence of others, when ONE needed others the most". 

Yes I needed them.. If not all, at least, could one of them be here for me NOW. Why did they always came at the same time and vanished at exactly the same time.

"Hey! Could one of you stay with me tonight? "

It was s****d of me to put them on top of everything else while they put me at the bottom of the list.
Never again I'll be succumbed to such 'stupidity'... tomorrow.. everything's gonna change... Be Selfish!! pleaseee...

Moons are nothing without Sun. The Light of the moon is actually a reflection of light from the sun.

Both are needed in synchronization with one another, One appear while one faded away for a moment of time. Yet, they never really leave...........

* If you ever so dear, please excuse the error any inappropriate sentence structure... well, I'm sleepy and obviously aren't thinking straight.

That is all to it then.. Thanks for flying by my site

~Ver Que Cuando Te Veo~

Regrets

Why should we have regrets when were once very certain with the decision we have made?
We shouldn't have regrets now that everything have changed.
We shouldn't have regrets now that we realized the decision we made before this was not ours. We made it not for our own sake but for our future which includes everyone that have been in our live until this day, our loving parents and our family. If we were given a chance to change that particular decision, would we thrive and will we survive ? Again, will we survive knowing that we will be risking our family , our future and most probably our loved ones?

Therefore, there's no place for regrets now that we have already been through the path that we choose. We still survive and that's what matters. Although there's up and down sometimes, at least we still live to tell the tale. Had we take the "road not taken" (choose/decide to go with it differently) , it would have made all the difference. And who knows, the ending might be worst than what we have with us NOW.

So, how do we get rid of the regrets?
I'm not the right person to answer that question. I am searching for the answer myself, the answer that have yet to appear. Very soon, maybe.. very2 soon. There's time for everything. Insya-Allah, if it were meant to be , any road I take will lead me there... hopefully it will...

P's : First Love is hard to forget..... (MFL,2012)

~Ver Que Cuando Te Veo~

Close Analysis (The Birth By Suhaimi hj Muhammad)

The unsolved mystery of a gift

The Birth is the work of our very own national laureate, Suhaimi Hj Muhammad that were originally written in Malay then soon after translated to English by Nur IIyana Mohd    Shahrul Hasri. This story is like one of those story where the readers feel unsatisfied with the ending and they wish it was something else. In most cases, with this kind of stories, readers look forward for the ending to unravel all the mystery being depicted in the beginning of the story but unfortunately, the author would just leave the readers to come up with the ending themselves and let the imagination wanders of.

The Birth written by Suhaimi Hj Muhammad was truly an inspiring story. After reading the story, I realized that there are always more to a story then what is seen and that we need to read between the lines to find out what is it all about.  The Birth is an amazing tale of a birth that turn to a mystery going through to the end. It is about a woman who desperately needs to give birth after carrying a baby in her womb for about more than 9 months, only to find out that when she finally gave birth, the baby was missing and no one had saw it. The only sign of her giving birth was that of her flat stomach. It still remains a mystery whether she had successfully gave birth or not and if so, where is the baby?

                 Kin was bestowed upon with 4 children so far and awaiting for the birth of her fifth child that she has been carrying now for over 9 months. The midwife refuses to assist her in   giving birth but she does not mind for she was very confident that she would be able to give birth with no complications just like her previous births. She was very sure that everything will be fine unlike her husband, Lan who thinks that it is very risky and fatal for a woman to give birth   without assisted by a midwife. Her mother seems to think that way too. This perception of woman could not give birth without assistance  is quite similar to the short story entitled The   Indian Camp by Earnest Hemingway where the villagers believe that a labour without help from a midwife will be fatal for the baby and also for the mother.

With no sign of giving up, Lan continues to seek the midwife to coax her in assisting Kin with their fifth baby. The midwife only word was that she does not have to come because it would not matter if she comes or not. We can see by her words that something is definitely wrong. She might knew something and was reluctant to tell Lan and Kin. We as readers start to wonder if the midwife had something to do with the disappearance of the off spring right after birth.

 Seeing how the midwife would refuse and just smile when Kin’s husband ,Lan ask her to assist Kin in giving birth to their fifth child, Lan started to doubt whether Kin was really pregnant or it was just a case of flabby stomach. Lan was forced to ask the next question that kept disturbing his mind, so he asked the midwife for a confirmation whether his wife is really pregnant or not.  Instead the midwife would smile even more and ask him to go back to accompany his wife which is due at any moment now. The midwife confirms that Kin is really pregnant, so does the other several women who were called over to their house. Every one of them was sure there is definitely a baby inside Kin. Despite everyone including her mother who has experienced giving birth said that giving birth is difficult without assistance, Kin still determine to go through it alone. It shows how her motherly instinct drives her to become optimist and brave. In addition to that, having the experience of giving birth to four children so far had reassure her that she can do it this time. Besides that, the presence of her year old toddler with her at times, give her some kind of moral support as she stroke her hair, she knew that she will be fine.

In addition, Kin being a responsible mother of four children did not seem to take what other people were saying about her children. She perceives her children as cute but the folks seem to object that opinion. She reasoned that were the way people are sometimes. They were driven to say things out of spite. We as readers may object to that by the thoughts that they might be true. Most probably Kin’s children are not as cute as she claimed. In every mother’s eyes, their children is perfect and beautiful so there is a possibility the same thing happen with the way Kin sees her children. It is a motherly nature for a mother to perceive their own children as wonderful as can be.

Kin had been carrying the baby inside her womb for about 9 months and 20 days. Study shows  that "post maturity" (going over your dates) sometimes causes babies to die unexpectedly while they are still inside the womb and it increases after 42 weeks of pregnancy, and increases again after 43 weeks. However the case, it is impossible to be true because in this story, the baby disappear just like that with no sign that it is still in the womb. If it were a case where the baby die or stillborn, then the baby would have died during the period of pregnancy which is also impossible because the night before the baby disappear, Kin could still feel the baby inside her womb kicked vigorously . This shows that the baby is not dead. Furthermore, when a baby dies inside the uterus before birth, labour may have to be start artificially to deliver the baby which means the baby would not just simply vanish into thin air. There have to be a way to take the baby out of the womb. Hence, there could only be two possibilities which is the baby had been born safe and sound and then kidnapped or the baby had mystically vanished .

At this point, we as readers still cannot get the clear picture of what had happened to the baby. Based on the first assumption, the baby might have been safely deliver with the assistance of the midwife . For all we know, the midwife probably had made an alliance with the infertile woman that came to the house earlier to kidnap the baby. This is because, at first the midwife strongly rejected Lan’s request to help assist Kin delivering their fifth baby but yet when she was actually at the scene, Kin finally deliver  the baby and it had disappeared as if it was planned by the midwife. As we can see earlier that day, the midwife introduces Kin to the infertile woman who seem desperate to get a child. Out of compassion, the midwife probably sold Kin’s child to her.  It is stated in the story that Kin had heard footsteps outside the house that previous night and that could be the sound of the kidnapper. Kin had worn herself out, she might not even     realize that she had already given birth in her sleep that night and most probably with the assistance of the midwife. The next morning when Kin woke up from her sleep, the midwife was there but she was quite.

However, we could not help but ponder upon the midwife’s words that she said to Lan earlier. She said that it would not matter if she was there or not to assists Kin. Most probably, the midwife knows what is going to happen all along based on her experience delivering babies for the past few years.  The midwife had assisted Kin in all her previous birth so what makes her refuse to help with Kin’s fifth child? That question must be lingering through our mind. This brings us to the second assumption that most probably the baby have magically vanished from inside the womb. If that is the case then it shows that magical creatures such as goblins do exist. The infertile woman who was being potrayed in the short story most probably is a goblin who seeks a human child. The midwife knows about it so she tried to be there when the delivery    happens to ward of the goblins but she failed. And instead of telling them what had happen in the morning, she just sits there in silent.

                Study shows that Suhaimi raised four dominant flows in most of his work which is   realism, surrealism,  mysticism, and existentialism. However, he was more into surrealism in most of his work so far including this short story. It would advocate the idea that ordinary and depictive expressions are vital and important but at the sense of their arrangement must be open to the full range of imagination. This tells us that imagination play a great deal in interpreting this kind of story. Surrealism is a 20^th century style and movement in art and literature in which images and events that are most connected are put together in a strange or possible way like a dream to try to express what is happening deep in the world. The author of this short story, Suhaimi Hj Muhammad has put in surrealism and   mysticism element to the story as gist to    develop the whole story line.

 He had bring a message through his short story that morale have been depleted and humanity was questioned to the extend that someone dare to separate a child from his parents and that of what birth symbolizes for a woman after marriage. A birth of a child in a family symbolizes a greater commitment between man and wife and will strengthen the life they have after marriage. The responsibility they have to take care of the child and the love they shares for the child will tighten the bond between husband and wife. The husband would feel thankful to the wife for making his dream of becoming a father a reality and will feel touched by the sacrifices of the wife going into pregnancy as everyone knows that labour is not an easy task. In another sense, the birth itself symbolizes a gift from god to man and wife for their life after   marriage.

 The author somehow portrays how people in that era view an infertile woman and made it into a laughing stock just because the woman could not bare a child. It also shows how much birth means to a woman after marriage. It gives us an insight of how terrible it would be like to a woman who cannot be able to bear a child. In real life, it is at this point when the husband finds out that his wife cannot give him a child that he started to think of polygamy and the wife who would feel insecure would result in agreement. There are few cases of women with infertility problem who results in stealing a child of others. Some of them would just buy the baby from a poverty stricken family that needs money more than they need the off spring and disconnect all ties the baby had with the family after the transaction have been made.

 This short story had remind me about an event that had happen to my aunt. She was schedule to be in labour in the middle of November last year but she was still carrying the baby in her womb until December that year. Everyone was shocked to hear that she have yet given birth. They were afraid that the baby had long been dead in her womb. That would explain why she has not experienced contractions for the past few weeks. The doctor suspected the baby might have died in pregnancy one month before. The family were devastated once they heard the news as it was the first new born for the couple. Later, the doctor schedules an induction to artificially start the labour process. Her womb was taken out due to infection and she had become infertile. The things that happen afterwards were imaginable and very traumatic for my aunt to go through. She was in the merge of becoming crazy for the first four month after the tragedy. They were fortunate to find a pregnant woman who was willing to give away her child to them or else my aunt’s condition would have worsened. Four months later, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and gave her to my aunt. Being infertile for most women can be stressful and sometime if they are not strong enough they might result in mental disorder or ended up with crime such as baby-snapper or baby snatcher. 

*A Reader's review (my own)  on the short story The Birth By Suhaimi Hj Muhammad. 

*You might wanna try reading it yourself now  as it is truly a remarkable story.

~Ver Que Cuando Te Veo~